The joys of staying home

I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed my husband with a great job and has provided all of our needs so that I can stay at home with my baby girl. It is one of the greatest blessings in my life. For some reason, I am even more exhausted with this pregnancy than I was with Ali Greis but that probably has a lot to do with keeping up with a 15 month old! So, needless to say, I look forward to nap time and try to take advantage of at least one if not both naps.

I was warned in the beginning that being a stay-at-home mom is challenging and sometimes it might be hard not to get impatient or wish I could catch a break just for a little while. I'm going to be honest...it's been harder at times than I had ever imagined. But the problem I've found is me. God has really been working in my heart the past week and I don't normally post personal stuff for everyone to read but I felt like I should this time. Maybe some of you are struggling with this or will soon be a stay-at-home mom and have expectations of what it will be like. I don't want to discourage you but I'm going to be real and hopefully encourage you in the end.

I've always found myself to have a good work ethic and to be willing to sacrifice the extra few minutes resting on the couch to pick up the house or wash dishes. Now that I stay at home all day, I will put Ali Greis in bed with us when she wakes up and find myself staying in bed much longer than I should. I'll make breakfast and get Nacho off to work and then just hang out with Ali Greis (in our pj's) most of the morning. I love this time we spend together and I love seeing her grow and learn...but I always feel unaccomplished and lazy. I feel like getting a shower and ready for the day at 11:00am is a wasted morning. So this has been affecting the rest of my day and I'll just stay lazy and go days without doing my domestic duties and blame it on the pregnancy. I told Nacho last week that I think I just need to establish a routine and just suck it up and do whatever needs to be done, no matter how I feel. So I did. On Monday, I didn't feel very well but I cleaned the house and got so much done all in one morning! Then I started having sharp stomach pains and, long story short, was put on bed rest for that night and the next day. It wasn't anything serious, but it was just what I needed for the Lord to get my attention.

Obviously, being pregnant, I am extra emotional. But with having lost a precious baby once already, I found all of those memories coming back and I couldn't imagine going through it again. I grabbed my phone to call my mom, best friend, anybody that I knew would pray for me and be there for me. But then I heard that still, small voice. I love it when God speaks to me this way, even in unpleasant situations. He said, "Who do you turn to first in trials and hard times? This is a sign of where you place your trust - in people or in Me?" I can't say I instantly calmed down and stopped crying, but I did feel this peace come over me that I will never be able to explain. I spent the rest of the afternoon lying on the couch watching Ali Greis run laps around the room yelling happily and talking nonstop.

Being on unofficial bed rest gave me time to think and just to be still and listen to what God was trying to teach me. I started thinking about my attitude the last couple of weeks and how I had neglected some of my daily responsibilities in order to lie around the house with my baby girl. God really convicted me about this. Surprisingly, I wasn't convicted about being 'lazy' but instead, I was convicted about my attitude and where my priorities are. I was reminded that I will never get this time back and in less than 5 months I won't be able to give Ali Greis my undivided attention. How selfish of me. I was also reminded that a clean house, clean clothes and a home cooked dinner pale in comparison to a healthy baby. My priority must be this little miracle inside of me and it is selfish of me to not listen to my body and take it easy when I don't feel good than to compromise my baby's health (and mine) just so my husband can come home to a clean house and hot meal. Another thing God showed me (I told you He's really been working on me this week) was that my husband would probably rather come home to a rested wife than a grumpy one with a clean house. And honestly, he's never complained about a messy house or dinner not being ready.

So, I'm learning to let things go. I don't mean let the house and chores go, but let the small things go. If I am feeling tired and have a horrible headache like I have lately, I'm going to take it easy. If Ali Greis is talking up a storm and showing me all of her toys, I'm going to leave the bed unmade and play with her. Now, I have been doing this lately, but I've been beating myself up about it. The difference? My attitude. I'm going to play with my baby girl WITH JOY. I'm going to take it easy WITH A THANKFUL HEART because God has blessed me so much so that I CAN take it easy! I CAN leave the dishes and play with my baby.

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit'; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away."  James 4:13-14

Let us not forget to take advantage of every day we have and not focus on earthly, material things but instead, on eternal things. My child watches everything I do so what kind of example am I setting if I spend more time doing chores than I spend playing with her? My responsibility as her mother is to express God's love to her and to pour my life into hers. My prayer is that Ali Greis comes to know the Lord as her Savior at an early age so my priority should be to live it out in front of her.

So, even though it's almost 11:00 and we are still both in our pajamas, I'm going to join her as she is redecorating our living room with her toys and enjoy her funny personality. Plus, it's my birthday so I don't have to do any chores today anyways, right?